Nothing is new. Everything is the same. Life goes on.
Even so, I have been wondering why I can’t “do this” better.
For me, "this" concerns living for the LORD, trusting Him no matter what, and just abiding in Him through each and every storm, loss, trauma, agony, sadness...
January has marked just another year going by like a fog, a mist. I blink and it is February. Tomorrow it will be March... and so on.
I have felt frustrated throughout these years even as I have been living for the LORD, and I find myself at least thinking, if not saying, that "I must be doing this wrong."
I walk each day with the LORD, I trust Him with all of my being, but I still greatly struggle with such grief and agonies too huge for words. I suppose I have expected some kind of relief, but this world is not my home and the LORD will not make anyone behave. He has given us free will, free choice, and as we all have experienced, we can only control our own self.
All these years I have been praying to "do this rightly" and, yet, still feeling like a failure. Recently a precious thing happened when I was waking up in prayer. I then laid thinking, "how can I do all this better?"
How kind the LORD has been to me all these years and how precious He has been. He has held me every moment, and even when I did not "feel" Him holding me, I knew He was doing so. I know I have never been alone as He has gently held me through all of my agonies.
It was then I felt such a beautiful peace come over me. What a gift!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
In Him I have been doing "this" rightly!
For all these years I have allowed Him to be my great God. I have come to Him constantly in the deep sufferings and in the simple joys. I have constantly trusted Him through the great agonies and horrible grievings. Doing this with Him -is- "doing this rightly"!
All these years I unrealistically expected the pain to be lessened or wiped away, but how can such loss and unresolved agonies ever leave us?
What we can expect from our great loving God is that He will be with us, He will carry us, He will help us through each new day. Our choice needs to be a constant willingness to trust Him even when everything is falling around you. He is still on His throne and He loves His own.
"O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."
The LORD is on His throne!