Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Thoughts on gossip

"Gossip" edited, thank you to Brent Kercheville, from 2013:

In general people do not think they are gossips. 

We are able to identify others who gossip but often think that our own words are not gossip. We excuse our own words thinking that if we are saying something factual, then we are not gossiping. 

However, the definition of a gossip in the scriptures is simply “a whispering.” Thus gossiping is saying words about a person that we do not want that person to hear. 

Gossip is not determined by factualness of the statement. If we are not speaking the truth, then we are a liar and a gossip.  Implied in the definition of “gossip” is that the words we are saying are hurtful. Therefore we whisper the words to another person, but do not desire that person to know that we are speaking words behind their back. The New Testament is clear that gossips and whisperers are sinful.

For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances;  2 Corinthians 12:20 

Christians are commanded to “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fit’s the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

Gossiping does not build up, but it tears down. There is nothing gracious or kind when we choose to engage in gossip. The Proverbs give us wise instructions concerning the consequences of gossiping.

“A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer (gossip) separates the best of friends.” Proverbs 16:28

This proverb really shows the amount of damage than can be done by being a whisperer or a gossip. Even the best of friends will become divided if one of the parties is engaging in gossip. This is a comparative proverb. The perverse person is compared to the whisperer. Sowing strife is compared to separating the best of friends. 

The gossip never thinks of himself or herself as perverse, evil person. Every gossip thinks the things he or she is saying is innocent and harmless. We are just talking about someone. We must remember that if what we are speaking is not useful, is not beneficial, and is not something we would want the other person to hear, then we are gossiping. Friends will split and marriages will fracture when we speak to others about things which were entrusted to us in confidence.

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.”  Proverbs 20:19

Acting like a friend but speaking against a person to others is dishonest. We act like we can be trusted with sensitive information, however, to speak the trusted information given to us is also being a gossip. Gossiping destroys the trust that had been built in the relationship.

One area where gossip rages most is in marriage. Spouses will speak against their mate to others. Things spoken in confidence will be told to others rather than kept in secret. A wife may complain about her husband’s actions to other women. A husband may complain about his wife to other men. Rather than speak to our spouse about the problem or issue, we have a tendency to speak to everyone else. The gossip does not solve the problem and is the cause for a deteriorating marriage. 

It is difficult to be a loving spouse when your mate is speaking against you to others.

“Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.”  Proverbs 26:20

Just as wood is fuel for the fire, so also is gossip fuel for fights. Strife, quarrellings, and relationships problems are guaranteed to come when there are whisperings and gossip. But Solomon tells us how we can have problems stop: stop gossiping. 

If brethren would apply this proverb we would see a lot less contention and strife in local churches. 

No one is allowed to be a gossip. Solomon tells us that if our gossip would cease the quarrels and contentions would also cease.

“The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.”
Proverbs 18:8, 26:22

This proverb is stated twice by Solomon and describes two problems with gossiping. 

 First, the pain of saying hurtful words reaches all the way down into the inner parts of the body. We understand the amount of emotional damage we cause others by gossiping about them. 

But the other point, which is the key point Solomon is making, is that we want to listen to the words of the gossip

A gossips words are delicious morsels. We want to listen to the words of a whisperer. We desire to hear the dirt on another person. 

If the gossip had no one to listen to him, there would not be any whisperings. We are condemned for listening to someone speak about another person.

The sin not only rests upon the one gossiping, but also upon the one who joyfully listens.

“An evil doer gives heed to wicked lips; a liar listens eagerly to a spiteful tongue.”  Proverbs 17:4

Solomon makes this point even clearer, calling those who listen to such wicked lips as an evil doer and a liar. 

The world is full of people willing to betray confidence and gossip about others. 

As a disciple of Jesus we must show ourselves to be different from the world. 


Anonymous said...

I would add this: "gossip" is often an accusation leveled at abuse victims who are trying to seek help and counsel. It's a means of trying to make them be quiet, and not bring the wicked deeds of the abusers to the light.


The Piper's Wife said...

Thank you, Carolyn, for your astute comment.

Can I take you in my pocket next time?

Anonymous said...

You're welcome, Jill, and haha . :)

Truly, though, I'm sure you're equally familiar with the unspoken "don't talk rules" that are sometimes "enforced" to hide abuse and keep victims silent.


The Piper's Wife said...

Carolyn, I absolutely understand!

I was being silly because certain abusers tended to fluster me, and I may not think to say the right thing until much later... so if I could "take you in my pocket" the next time :o) you could remind me who I am dealing with, and then I would think clearly ~ not wait till a decade later.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jill, believe me I do understand! I think we've all been there! I get flustered as well, at times, when faced with abusers, and I often am tongue tied myself. It's always easier to think clearly when one is removed from the situation, isn't it?

But so true, to have a friend with you who can assist you in keeping perspective, that would be a huge help! So let's help each other keep perspective when we can.