Is there a difference between honor and blind obedience?

Recovering Grace receives a large number of emails from people previously and currently involved in ATI and IBLP, including many requests for advice over problems faced because of the dangerous teachings in both programs. 

A lot of these emails contain striking similarities, and we have attempted to formulate Christ-centered, grace-filled responses to various key issues. We have decided to share some of our responses via a “Dear Grace” column. Identifying details have been altered, and some letters are a composite of multiple requests for advice.


On Recovering Grace a twenty-six year old woman explains her dilemma with her legalistic parent's courtship rules:

Exasperated writes:

...I do not believe I am being dishonoring. But according to them, I have no free will. I am torn. I want to honor my parents. But there is a difference between honor and blind obedience. I want them to bless my marriage, but I don’t know how I can have a healthy relationship with both my boyfriend and them with the way the courtship is currently structured. Whenever I try to explain my position to them and try to reach a compromise, all they do is defend why their way is best, and right, and most godly. Is my parents’ way the only right way to prepare for marriage? We’re both in our mid- to late-20′s. Are we wrong for wanting to do something different than what my parents mandate?
Please–any help would be greatly appreciated!

--- Exasperated

Dear Exasperated,

Unfortunately your situation is a very common one among those who grew up in the Advanced Training Institute (ATI)...

(I would add that ATI is not the only group which produces legalistic courtship rules and so destroys families and marriages.)
 
Grace continues in her response to Exasperated:

First of all, let me say that

God’s design for marriage is for a couple to leave their parents and cleave to each other, becoming one flesh.

Either a failure to leave, or a failure to cleave, can destroy a marriage.

Leaving one’s parents is often a hard thing for couples to do, but it is one of the best things they can do for their marriage...

...Please understand that you cannot control your parents’ actions... 

I’m really sorry for the position that you find yourself in. I’ve been there, and I can tell you with certainty that it gets better. It takes time and perseverance, but it develops in you an inward strength that you might not have found elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Grace

Please also view The Faithful Wife on Winging It for further study on leaving and cleaving.